Mama, I'm coming home...

If we are born alone, and are destined to die alone, or so they say, then why do we spend our entire lifetime living for others? Or is it that a need is created, so that we may understand that inspite of all these relationships, we will always be alone? And in order to deal with this ultimate truth, which is most depressing to most of us, we are supposed to make the most of all these relationships we so readily form. It is said that the truest relationship that ever existed is that of a mother and child, and it's only natural. For even animals are seen nurturing their young ones no matter whether they are tame or wild. In fact, hell hath no fury like the scorn of a hurt mother. And nature is also referred to as Mother Nature. So is being a mother really for those who are the strongest? Motherhood has innumerable facets to it, very difficult to fathom if you're not one, too many to name, if you are. And isn’t it the mother that has the highest influence on the new born, and plays a key role in shaping the child's future. Then what about all those women who have adopted children due to lack of their own or single fathers who often try fulfilling the mother's duties. What about mothers who ignore their children, thus forcing them to lead a life of attention seeking disorders? And what about young girls, who become mothers before they become women?

Today, the newspaper read that an eleven-year-old was the youngest ever to be a mother. The child-mother didn't know she was raped and that it had led to her becoming what every woman dreams of, after the fancy dream wedding and in a successful marriage. Only after the girl's mother noticed the bulge, and questioned her, she spoke of an incident that she was shameful and confused of. Never did she imagine that her life would change forever. Now, is this the gift of motherhood? Is it fair to this 11 year old child to rear and nurture a baby or to the baby,who for no fault of his or her, is now a part of this wicked world? For the infant to grow up and realise how he /she was concieved, forcefully and brutally and actually live with it? But you know what? It doesn't matter whether it's fair or not, the fact remains that the deed is done. It's probably been over 10 months since she was raped, and the bearer of this unfortunate news happened to be her own child. The infant spoke volumes even before learning to speak; it made my insides churn. And by writing about this, I'm not sure how I'm helping the situation, I'm quite sure I'm not.

A child represents love in its purest form. It comes from a divine union of two souls. Two souls that are meant to be, that have consciously decided to unite for this beautiful new life to come from them, be nurtured and protected within thier shelter till he/she can grow new wings and soar. Sadly, this child was unwanted right from the beginning, even before its conception. It was not to exist by force of some inhuman scumbag who roams scot-free as I write. It doesn't get more sickening. And the girl is as clueless about motherhood as her friends and younger siblings. She must suddenly throw away her toys and abandon her childhood, for she has a new toy to take care of, a toy that breathes, that lives, that's a part of her. She has a new role already, and she must learn all about it because the game has begun. She must forget about education (if she ever had any), forget about her dreams and everything else, devoting her entire adolescence to her child. It may be hard to lead the life you choose, but she has no choice. Not about being a mother, not about being a girl who is forced to become a woman at a tender age of 11, not about her child's life, for she doesn't know what to do with her own.

It's about one such incident, about one such little girl, about one such injustice.
And this is just the beginning...

WYSIWYG!

It can take forever to figure out this so-called life, but maybe one step at a time will help. If one can stop one's mind from travelling towards the unknown, everything can be simpler. The way to the unknown is dark itself, can you imagine how dark the unknown will be? But then again, being the unknown, how is one to know dark from light? And how can one forget the Unknowable, that completes the trinity together with the known and the unknown? Is solitude really a way to conquer the path to the unknown? Is it true that only by detaching yourself from that you love most will bring it right back to you? Are needs and wants really illusions, trapping you further into despair? Will you ever break free from the mind? For it is this mind that seeks answers and not your heart. So does the heart only feel, incapable of thought? Or does it also have a mind of its own that you refuse to believe, because your faith is all you have, and if it trembles, it might just drop your soul into a downward spiral? Are we all walking on a tight rope, striking a balance between mind and body?Then what about the soul? Isn't it free from thought too? So many questions and just a lifetime to find out the answers. Is this lifetime really as short as they say? Why is everyone so lost, so confused? Is nature really going to take a toll on us? Or are our terrorists good enough? Is fear really changing to terror, paralyzing each of us? Is there not an iota of hope or emotion left within us? Are we the walking dead? Who have we become from powerful, creative Human Beings? Is it time for us to meet at the restaurant at the end of the world? How real is time? If not, then where does eternity stand? Is What You See Really What You Get?

Hands - Jewel

If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all okay
And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
And useless in times like these
I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most feared

My hands are small, I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken


Poverty stole your golden shoes
But it didn't steal your laughter
And heartache came to visit me
But I knew it wasn't ever after
We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing


My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken


In the end only kindness matters
In the end only kindness matters

I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray


My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
We are never broken


We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's mind
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's heart
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's eyes
We are God's hands
We are God's hands

Mumbai reverts to BOMBay!

Here's to Mumbai...recently switched back to "BOMBay"...
...these lyrics from Incubus' song 'Pardon Me' are words that I can relate to after the hell the city just went through...

A decade ago, I never thought I would be,
At twenty-three, on the verge of spontaneous combustion. Woe-is-me.
But I guess that it comes with the territory, An ominous landscape of never-ending calamity.
I need you to hear, I need you to see
That I have had all I can take and
Exploding seems like a definite possibility to me.
So pardon me while I burst into flames.
I've had enough of this world and it's people's mindless games.
So pardon me while I burn and rise above the flame.
Pardon me, pardon me... I'll never be the same.
Not two days ago, I was having a look in a book
And I saw a picture of a guy fried up above his knees.
I said, "I can relate," cause lately I've been thinking of combustion
As a welcomed vacation from the burdens of the planet Earth.
Like gravity, hypocrisy, and the perils of being in 3-D... And thinking so much differently.

Why did you throw the Jack of Hearts away?

I need a brand new friend who doesn't bother me
I need a brand new friend who doesn't trouble me
I need someone, yeah, who doesn't need me...
Hopefully Jimi Baba found that friend...but today the word "friend" has taken up a whole new meaning, one which I don't believe I have ever heard of it, let alone understand. You are a friend if you can listen and not speak back; you are a friend if you can understand but not be understood; you are a friend if you are there for someone who is never there for you; you are a friend if you can take but never give; you are a friend if you can say exactly what you are expected to say and not what you feel is important to be said; you are a friend if all your time, energy and love is devoted to only one individual (who is not even your partner or soulmate or someone to that effect! you know what I mean?!); you are a friend if you are rich; you are a friend if you are famous; you are a friend for all the wrong reasons, but only with these reasons are you a "FRIEND". And if you don't fit into atleast one of these categories, then my "friend", you have no friend but yourself.

Naming every relationship is as simple as it gets, but all these relationships I have been told, are like sand held in your fist. You have but two choices in which to hold it. Either you hold it loosely so it can stay in your palm, secure and with you forever. Or you can tighten your fist, and watch it slip through your fingers, away from you. Whatever you do, one thing is for sure, "relationships" of any kind are not meant to be KEPT! The moment you begin to KEEP them, tightening that fist, they will slip away. Whatever happened to growing together? We all seem to want one thing the most in our lives. To be loved. And the moment you have atleast one person who does give you the comforting feeling that love is primarily made up of, you tend to cling on to it. This clinging is nothing but your Desire of being loved, fulfilled, which in turn leads to a constant need for the same.

In the name of friendship, we have all sorts of relationships, all very man-made. You give names in the form of words to these various relationships, but at the end of it all, you know that they are all made by you; you have given meaning to them and you have every right to take them away from one person and move them on to another. This is what has led to you believe that these relationships are all there is to life. And you're clinging way too tight for fear of losing them.

The highest connection, not relationship, is that of the Purush (male) and Prakruti (nature, thus female), of Man and the Divine Cosmos, of Shiva and Shakti. This is the ultimate reality that stands before us. This is what we are here for, to understand our purpose and serve it well. And eventually transcend from one life to the other without leaving behind anything undone. In this Kaliyuga, (the Dark Age), reality is made up of the unreal. As strange as it this may sound, you know exctly what I'm talking about.Your real challenge lies in striking a balance between your Spiritual Self and Material Self. And both have been given to you for a very good reason. What you might learn by the end of it is that there is no reason and there is no need for one.

It is no sin to be materialistic as long as you can let go with ease. The moment you know you are getting lured by Maya, unable to control your urges in the material sense, it is a sign for you to move on, get going, searching your centre point, and begin nurturing yourself from within. This Maya can even come in the form of life. Women sinces ages have been considered as a crucial tool of Maya to lure men into their spells and lose out on reality. But this is not true, it can't ever be. For the woman is at par with the man, and only together can they unite with Divine Cosmos. The Sattva, Tamas and Rajas is the trinity in each of us. It is for us to over come the the latter two to reach a state of bliss and purity. Once your healing process begins, with the soul seeking, you will feel the difference and life won't seem like a novel with the end ripped out ;)

Since everything is relative, you might not agree with this, but we all have dark spaces in our minds, waiting for some light to come in, although it takes some a lifetime or even more to realise this. My 6 can be your 9. As long as you choose the path less travelled, you will be just fine.

Coming back to needing a brand new friend, we don't need one and never will...

No excuses...

If I'm really such a treasure,

I must be kept under lock and key,

Away from good measure,

Find a way to be.

In places gone by,

I've found myself before,

In place so high,

I haven't meant to keep.

And now that I'm here,

It's been just clarity,

I am finally near,

To this serenity.

Nosferatu - Children of the night

Is it just me or can you feel the calm before the storm? This kind of silence is truly unnatural, yet seeks to invite the kind of attention that one really doesn't want.You want to be in oblivion and it is this that keeps bringing you back to reality, this reality. And you'd rather bury your head in the ground for fear of facing this. But it stands before you, in all its glory, calling forth all you have to give - yourself. And since you fear the unknown, this is clearly what is giving you the lump in your throat from trying not to weep. Weep like you were a child with no inhibitions or complexes, just waiting for your comforting mother to hold you in her arms and tell you that this too shall pass and all will be okay. It seems like a shadow, as dark as the night sans moon, overlooking you, while you hide behind a rock on the beach, the wind drying the tears that have now begun rolling down your warm cheeks, your eyes still tightly shut from the fear of seeing what stands before you. And you can almost feel a warm, tingling down your spine as it moves toward you, closer and closer, till you can feel the cold breath. So now you know it's alive, yet something tells you otherwise. It's so cold, almost reminding you of a corpse in a morgue. And you're not sure whether to muster up the courage and face it, or just open your eyes, fix your gaze at your feet and run; run like you've never run before, like the wind has become of you. But you know somewhere that this is obviously stronger , certainly more powerful than you can ever be, and that's what keeps you from even breathing, let alone get up and leave. You know you can't walk out of this, as you hide your head between your knees, covering your ears from any sound. But even the wind seems to know your fear, for now it has begun whistling louder and somehow you can hear a faint cry of a dog, howling somewhere in the distance. So is nature getting back at you for all you have done? You begin reminiscencing all the significant moments in your life, all those you love and love you, all those you hate and hate you (you know you hate atleast one person), and all the things you have wronged, all that you've blessed, and now you're so sure this is what it feels like when one senses death around.You sink deeper into your knees, feeling as small as you could possibly be, and knowing that this is the best or worst you can do. Beads of sweat trickle down your nose onto the ground you are sitting on, hoping that it would open up and swallow you down. Then the warm sunbeam kisses your sweaty forehead, waking you up to a hungover state and you know all it was, was a nightmare...

Water Water Everywhere!

It's pouring like it's going out of style! and I'm not sure why I'm at office...it's foggy and gloomy and wet! and I'm soaked to the bone! but it was fun getting here, till Ayesha hurt her hand with a spoke of her umberella...and then there was blood and rain, with the wind blowing stronger than ever...I broke into a hysterical laugh in all the chaos and it has just registered in my head that the situation was not funny at all...So then, why did I laugh out loud?
Maybe I knew somewhere in the back of my head, that nature was unleashing its force, and maybe I wasn't supposed to be taking it too seriously, I wasn't really laughing out of sheer joy and perhaps I did see something quite overwhelming, and my only reaction to it was a laugh!
So strange was this laugh that I actually sat sown to write about it, it was almost evil...till I realised that Ayesha was hurt. Then I joked about how she looked like a person with suicidal tendencies with that white bandage wrapped around her wrist! But I didn't mean to be funny! I am not sure what took over me with all the rain and wind! I feel it awakened a dark, almost demonic side of me that had never really showed up...not in a long time.
But we all have our dark sides (especially left handed people!) and maybe they are brought about when you least expect them. Thankfully, Ayesha shares my views on the Dark side and probably understood where I was coming from to not mind my behaviour! She wasn't in pain I know because she doesn't feel any. Strange as it may sound, there are people in this world who are numb with pain or just never feel it. I really don't know why am writing this, but there's an idea I'm getting at. don't know if I can call it that - an idea or maybe a thought or a feeling perhaps...whatever it may be, if it has left you confused ir a little lost, it really wasn't me!