Rainbow Connection

Cause is Effect concealed, Effect is Cause revealed.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

It’s not easy, nothing is. That is no excuse for feeling burdened at all times. There is no excuse, no reason. It’s not easy to be. Merely be. And if you are, it’s an offence. And you will be humiliated, you will be punished, you will be prosecuted. Only because you are. The irony of it all is that we human beings have forgotten how to be human. Sad but true. And there’s only one thing left to do; play the ‘blame game’. Set off a chain reaction. Then sit back and watch as we all fall down. Sounds like a fun game till you fall. Then it’s not fun anymore. Then you take the game to a whole new level. You get jaded, it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, and now all you want to do is take a swing at someone. The world is suddenly wicked, the people are strange and you are alone. Singled out among all the planets, stars, in the entire universe. You are chosen. And as you try to hide behind your shadow, your eyes bulging with tears, can’t help but gaze endlessly at your curling toes, emotions of angst, fear, humiliation, feelings of being exposed in an ugly light, a light you never knew existed. And you dare not try and gaze above the ground beneath you feet! For this light might just consume you, causing such anguish that you might not even understand what hit you. But somewhere in you burns a small but very lively flame. And the flame is suffocating and urging you to look up. Just one glance. It brings with it a knowing of what lies beyond this light, which is now staring at your naked body. The light’s got you! And you know the only way out is to look into the light, reach its source. But what about the fears that have now engulfed your little dark mind, not letting your little flame out? You stand there, feeling small, insignificant, not listening to the flame, giving in to the light. And the light is only getting brighter, yet bringing out all the darkness in you. And you feel like the ground must open up and swallow you now before the flame changes your mind. But the flame doesn’t seem to glow anywhere in your mind. Your mind is just a dark place, for hiding, and crying. It doesn’t allow anyone to enter; not even the flame. So where is this flame glowing? Is it in your soul, your spirit, and your heart? Your confusion is growing like a vine, in and out, like your breathing. It’s slowly taking over all that you believe yourself to be, who you are. But you are being too many things at a time. Some of them you don’t even know of. You’ve never felt so much in a moment, this moment seems eternal, and it seems to know exactly who you are. Is it playing games with you? You know, mind games? We are a playful lot, aren’t we? Always playing some game or the other, in our minds. But the flame is so small; it doesn’t understand all these games. It just knows how to glow and give the little warmth is has to you, unconditionally. This is the first time you have been asked for something by the flame and you can’t even do that. But you need not worry. The flame is not holding a grudge. It understands. It maybe small, but it sure knows you best as your heart is its abode. And it knows you need time, space and all these concepts in your mind that are confusing you. You seem to have prepared yourself for the worst but this was unexpected. Maybe because you expected, all your life. You thought, planned and inferred probabilities, timed your every move, reacted to every situation. But this? Never did you think in your sane intellect that this was coming your way. And now that you are caught off guard, and how, you are feeling almost guilty, almost betrayed, unwanted. And you hate these feelings but you just can’t seem to stop yourself from feeling like this. And while you struggle to fight yourself out of this sticky state, somewhere you know this is brought on because of you and you owe this to yourself. This moment had to manifest itself while you kept yourself hanging by the last thread. Now while your entire life flashes in your mind and as you relive all those moments in your life that made you the man you are, the light shines brighter and the flame glows stronger than ever before.

2 Comments:

Blogger Zahir said...

When the sins of the father are the sins of the son
All you do is crawl when you wanna run
And God gave boys their mamas cause
They always see their promise
And they help them understand
How to walk like a man

The sins of the father are the sins of the son
Crawl before you walk, boy
Walk before you run
Come on, stand up straight, I'm proud of you
Take my hand
I know you can
Walk like a man

5:11 pm  
Anonymous sneh said...

a single train of thought can spew out a million answers to our questions! you've helped me with a few of my own

6:09 pm  

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