Rainbow Connection

Rainbow Connection: Rangeele – The colour of a breath of fresh air

2011-10-17T06:09:00.000Z

Rainbow Connection: Kailasa.Rangeele.The colour of a breath of fresh air

Rangeele – The colour of a breath of fresh air

2011-10-17T05:51:00.006Z

A chance to meet one of my favourite bands, Kailasa, was all I could have asked for and when my wish came true, the experience was surreal. I reached a little late, only to find out that the band hadn’t arrived yet. Phew! I waited around with friends, wondering all along what I would ask them. My head was brimming with questions and all I could think of was what the band has in store for us.

Kailash walked in first, greeting us and quickly got down to speaking his heart out. That is the only way he speaks, straight from his heart. And he was kind enough to share some of his innermost emotions and sentiments about music, love, truth and reality. He began by sending out a request to all readers and listeners. It is simple he said, if we want change, we must make it ourselves. You want a better country, go vote. Even if you feel there's no appropriate candidate, you need to go register that. Because it counts. You count.

Then he moved to his new album, 'Rangeele'. He believes that the music of their new album, ‘Rangeele’ does not belong to any one genre but is as such an explosion of fresh and innovative sounds, leaving you wanting more. In fact, they belong to a new genre, a genre that the band has created, that stands for everything divine and heavenly – a genre they call, Kailasa. On asking what according to him is the colour of love, pat came his reply with a wide grin and a glint in those eyes, "White!" I asked him, what about truth and he paused, not for long. Then leaned over and said, "Truth is formless. There is no colour. Truth is Truth!"

The album is a melange of songs with a range of impressions; the title track is all about being light-hearted but still being perceptive of the ways of the world. It’s heartening for today’s generation of dreamers and romantics to leap forward to their own calling, still staying grounded and true to their heart. Kailash confessed to being an all heart-no mind kind of individual. He loves love and has countless takes on the different kinds of love that are. Another interesting aspect to Kailasa is that they introduce new words to their lyrics, that Kailash creates himself, in each of their albums. For instance, the word ‘Khaggad’ in Babam Bamm from Jhoomo Re released in 2007, is a word made by Kailash to indicate hardcore. And ‘Rangeele’ also offers a new word; this time around it’s “Kheliya” from the song ‘Albeliya’, meaning player. The song speaks of how the Force is the only “player”, who is merely letting us have our moments of believing that we are calling the shots. And no matter what we do, it is actually the Force that conducts the grand finale.

All songs for Kailasa are written by Kailash Kher and enhanced further by melodious tunes, thanks to Paresh Kamath and Naresh Kamath. And ‘Rangeele’ brings out the versatility of the band this time around, with some never heard instruments that have created a power-packed album, which is easy on the ear. There is lot of focus on the overall resonance of the album, with unique sounds that blend so well with each other, creating perfect harmonies. While listening to some of the songs on this album, I couldn’t help but wonder how enjoyable the experience must’ve been for the guys to get together and make this a must hear. One of my favourites on this album is “Tu kya Jaane”, which even though is complaining of heartache, somehow manages to lift your soul with its striking lyrics and pleasant tune. Another track that touches my heart and will surely have the same effect on anyone who listens up, is “Bab-baji’, a song that is dedicated to Kailash’s little son. It has beautiful lyrics intertwining flavours of love that are so pure and real, quintessential to what Kailasa stands for.

Kailasa has come a long way with “Rangeele”, offering some contemporary sounds in each track on the album. It never leaves Kailash’s distinct style of song writing and singing and yet comes in like a breath of fresh air, whole and immaculate.

All for Blanknoise Project!

2007-03-01T07:51:00.000Z

Read about Blanknoise Project and visited their blog as I’m a keen blogger too, especially about things that really matter. I feel what they have got here is by far one of the most remarkable actions in a long time.
I clearly understand the feelings of all those women who have contributed to the blog as I can relate to them through my incident. Although, I wasn’t victimized as I fought back, and how! I’m all of 23 now, but two years ago, while going to a friend’s place to join him for a morning walk, this is what happened…
Firstly, it is important to mention the clothes I was wearing – an oversized, zipped up sweat-shirt, track pants that reached my ankles, sports shoes with socks rolled up. In other words, not provocative! What’s important to mention next is my built. I’m a small built girl, who seems timid and naïve. Of course, the operative word being SEEMS!
And so I’m heading to my friend’s place for which I must take a lonely alley. And that’s where this man, twice my size, stood waiting for his next victim. This area is one of the lanes near Chapel Road in Bandra, Mumbai. For those of the readers who know this area, will understand the kind of housing system here too. It’s simple to get people to help by sheer yelling. But that morning, it wasn’t the case. I passed by this spineless man, who groped me before I even knew it. And the next thing was my little but powered fist with my cell phone still in it, in his face. He had a cycle which he quickly sat on to scram. But I kicked it and he fell down. I caught him by the collar and screamed for my friend in a voice I didn’t know was ever in me. But before he could come down, all the sleepy neighbours were out looking at this morning show. I asked them to help me, but “let it be…” was all they could say in between their lazy yawns. But this didn’t stop me for yelling out again for my friend, who by then had reached. He is of average built, but all he asked me was, “Sam, what did he do?” and the rage he saw in my eyes was enough for him to slap the man just once. He did that, and the man was on the floor now, screaming for mercy. Mercy was always good to ask for. But he denied, and that only worked against him. I was merciless by then. And the people, now all 150 of them, were watching and asking me to calm down. But no frikkin’ way! He had touched me and made me feel like a thing so disgusting that I just couldn’t forgive or forget. I kicked him in the face; I slapped him till it hurt him. And my friend only held him for me to do whatever I wanted to do to him. And then a lady, who apparently knew him, came around from behind me while I was busy calling the cops, to tell him how he just had to deny everything as I had no proof, by saying he had slipped and fallen on me. By the way, she happened to be a lawyer. I went up to her, and asked her if she had a daughter. She nodded affirmatively. I asked, “If I was your daughter, would you still be giving him legal advice against me?” she walked away. And nobody came forward to ask any more questions. The next thing I did was take him to the cops. I was studying as a media student in a reputed college. I informed the cops that if they didn’t beat him up in front of me, I was calling the Press. And they did. It didn’t undo what he did to me. But I left the police station not feeling like a victim.
His name was Mohammed; so much for sharing the name of the Prophet. And in between all the punches and kicks I threw at him, I asked him his name and when he replied I looked him in the eye and said, “It’s people like you who spoil the reputation of an entire community and add fuel to the fire.” He obviously wasn’t equipped with a brain to understand that. But I did my best to not feel like I victim and I’m sure today that I never was.
I also managed to get a job with a leading newspaper on the editorial team.
I’d like to share my story with the rest of the readers who have been victimized as they need to know that they may not be the strongest but when you are wronged, you get the strength from within. Just never lose faith in yourself. All else will follow.

Cheers!

Serve the EGO...

2006-10-01T17:15:00.000Z

I’ve been down so long that it looks like up to me....can understand Jimi baba...history repeats itself...only we choose to be or not to be a part of it...remember, that is the question?! It doesn't matter why we choose to participate or not in this history...so technically we are all living in the past...only that we don't realize it...and I realized this, today, and it was worth mentioning so I have...
It may be true that we bring our destiny upon ourselves through our rnanubandhana…popular as karmic debt…but that does NOT mean we can justify each action, especially that which causes harm or hurt to another, or us by calling it Karma…for there is also an alertness and awareness required in the process of being…which we must know of, and do learn given a chance…to be. And it’s so difficult to simply be, that it takes people more than one life to get there; on the other hand you have those who can attain it in a moment…for eternity…
Having said this, it is also important to mention here that everyone’s yardstick of measuring is differently made, I know some who don’t have yardsticks, simply because they don’t measure, and that’s a good thing…when I say measure I mean anything and everything…
But the mind is a wicked place with only traps, that get you when you least expect them, thus expect the unexpected…and then there are little nooks and crannies that we miss out trying to figure things ourselves, but we are simply humans …and to get to the other side, the mind is of no use…it will in fact play the devil’s advocate in trying to make you stay...and most of us just give in and stay back. Never set off towards the absolute truth, too busy in the mundane activities of the world…and it keeps gnawing in your insides till you can’t take the excruciating ache in your soul and you choose to get lost…to go find another way, an easier route, but that’s just again a trap my friend, set in your mind, against you…so that you get tricked into becoming one with the mind alone…leaving your body and soul behind…and the mind can never attain salvation for it is not a matter of the mind, it is your heart and soul that is pure and will always be, and anything you do in this world or society, will only stem from your mind, for it is that which has been struck with ego since the day your were born, conditioned to the needs and conveniences of others around you and you may not like knowing this but it's the truth…we are all serving our own as well as another's ego at all times, thus surviving....living doesn't need an ego...it has life...no ego...we are the ones that make 'I' instead of 'WE'! oh well...this may not be all I have to say, but I'm done writing for now...

HARD CANDY

2006-09-05T07:09:00.000Z

The weekend was good with some good movies to catch up. I'm already obsessing over Hard Candy. This is seriously worth watching. It’s gripping till the end; very few movies can do that to me! And strangely I feel so much for the fourteen year old girl, who has done some extraordinary work. Haven’t seen such an expressive face in a while, especially worn by a fourteen year old! Although she may not be fourteen, she sure can pull it off and how! It’s the story of Hayley, a fourteen year old girl with multiple internet identities, surfing the net till she meets Jeff, at a local coffee shop. Jeff is a fashion photographer. Understand his lifestyle then. They end up at his place and if you’re thinking the obvious, please think again! Coz OH MY GOD!!! It takes the most erratic and inconceivable turn. And the kid lands up there, only to be shown the reality about Jeff. And she takes him through his whole life, controlling his mind before he can even think. And she gives him two options by the end of it all, for he is in an unmentionable state of mind. He’s has become completely incapable of any action but what she asks of him. The twist here is how this little kid succeeds in controlling the man’s mind, right till the end. Don’t worry, I’m not telling you how, can’t give away the story really! Just know that this psychotic thriller is so worth a watch! Please pretty please watch and let me know if you like it!:)

59 years of Freedom

2006-08-14T11:06:00.000Z

Are we really free?

‘Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose’ sang Janis Joplin and rightly so says Samiyah Saud

It’s yet another day of celebration and festivities in admiration of the freedom struggle that took place 59 years ago, giving us the independence we are yet to enjoy. Yet to enjoy, because after all these years, your average Indian of today is probably thinking, ‘Are we really free?” With the recent chain of violent and ghastly tragedies the country has faced, it is only natural that we are filled with such doubts and worse, feelings of rage, distress and resentment. Let’s not forget that these tragedies aren’t very recent, because we all know that if one part of the country is peaceful, there is always some other part, that is facing inconceivable ordeals. It’s simple to lose track of how long the Kashmir issue has existed because you reach a point of saturation and then it becomes a way of life. And even if you still care, you know you are in no position to do anything about it as a mere citizen.

Today, as we celebrate Independence Day and 59 years of freedom, there’s still uncertainty of how many more battles we might have to fight before really enjoying the triumph passed down by our forefathers. And while our country vows of its “rich and varied heritage”, and claims that “all Indians are my brothers and sisters”, it barely lives up to its words. Civic apathy has transcended to a whole new level and the nation is forced to live with terrorism, natural disasters, corruption, poverty and list could go on.

While freedom can just be a state of mind, there’s still more to it when it involves an entire country. Many are still eagerly waiting for independence; from poverty, corruption, injustice, violence, et al. Over the years, it has been India giving refuge to globetrotters, but with a lack of gratitude from the same. Deliberate attempts have been made to destroy the oneness this nation offers. While we have all the possible communities living here, it is this deliberate disparity that allows differences and insecurities to creep in. There may be cultural harmony making this a united nation, but unity is highly overrated. Says Neharika Singh, a college student, (read ‘the future of the nation’), “We are not free. Freedom means to do anything and everything without imposing on another’s liberties. Going by this definition, freedom is anything but existent in its entity as today very few people stop to think of whether what they’re doing is affecting another or not.” Collin D’Cunha, a film student and an aspiring filmmaker reiterates, “We are not free from bureaucracy; till now freedom of expression is curbed, not in obvious ways, but in ways of censorship, political power or fear of political pressure. A common citizen cannot express himself or herself in any way, there is no sense of patriotism, given that we are constantly dealing with terrorism. Instead of going out there and enjoying myself, I’d rather sit safely at home.” While this is what the youth have to say about freedom, there’s more that grown ups include. David De Souza, a freelance photographer says, “While we are technically free, we are captive to fascism. That means someone thinking they are righter, more moral, more powerful, more connected and then deciding what is good and proper. But I would rather live here than in Burma or Angola!”

Mahesh Aney- popular cinematographer adds, “We are free, when you look at it on the whole. As a nation I am free; I can breathe, I can live, I can go out and get myself what I want. But then there are my evil politicians, who decide what to do, they decide my life, they decide how much money is to be spent. So we have a notional freedom we all live in although we are the biggest democracy in the world. As Janis Joplin sang, ‘Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose.’ It’s just about discerning how free I am from the system, from the politics and all the evils that it brings.”

The country promises equal opportunities for all and the very fact that we are open to globalisation shows that perception is changing and global players entering the market have faith in the system. Accountability is becoming one of the key factors in our country including in the government. Women have equal opportunity, equal say and their opinions are valued and valid. However, all these changes are seen only in the urban areas of the country. There is still a massive section of the country that is tagged as ‘backward’. Even as we are working towards development in all the possible fields, it is our sense of belonging to one country, one world and one universe that will see us through it all. It’s about time we start realising that we are one, together we suffer, together exist and forever will recreate each other.

No mind to mind-Stage Zero.

2006-08-11T10:21:00.000Z

Since there's too little time and so many things to do, I guess the speed of our thoughts does prove to be an "unfair challenge" in relation to our ability of speaking or writing. Although there is a stage where one doesnt need words anymore. Having said that, what is most intriguing is the fact that we still think, at times, so hard that our mind begins to stop making sense. And the nonsense that it starts to throw up then becomes a reality - our own reality. To live in and live by.
So we have people dying across nations because they are being bombed. In some corner of the earth, there is a war going on, in another there is a celebration and in yet another place, there is apathy towards it all. These are just three insatnces, where we all know alot more exists. The point is that no matter what, we are using our mind to a state where it no more has any positive outcomes. It's all negative. Politicians, terrorists (same thing!), diplomats, cops, media, and of course, people. They are in a negative state of mind for their own reasons.
Now we all know what collective consciousness can do. Some say miracles can happen only because of the collective forces. And in this collective negative state of mind, we are all focusing on a negative outcome. What's worse is that we don't even know it, there is no awareness whatsoever. Not knowing where we are headed is alright, as is being lost, for it comes with the hope of being found but knowing you're on the wrong track and still going on with the journey is plain lack of concern. Lack of concern for those who are travelling with you, and from them, those who are merely following your footsteps for lack of their own intelligence and sense of direction. And since you are responsible for their journey, a responsiblity you are unwilling to acknowledge, let alone accept, they are in for a very wicked ride. A ride that might just leave them jaded, confused, angry and hurt. Please don't forget that these are all quintessentially negative outcomes. And because it is all taking place at a collective level , so will its consequences. Don't even get me started on what can follow. Some of it is already showing, with Tsunamis and cyclones and earthquakes and floods. That's nature's way of taking things into her hands and setting things straight.
Human beings seek revenge, they feel a compelling need to even the score, and they do that in places like battlefields, politics and hostilities of all kinds. And amidst this man made chaos, it is the innocent that suffer the most. Infants and the elderly are the prime victims. And somehow, they manage to go unnoticed for they don't matter in the scheme of things. How can an infant vote for a politician? Or how does an aged citizen add to the national income? So they have no one to score brownie points with just to stay alive. The rest of us, who form a considerable part of this system are covered and confined so long as we continue to crave, create and consume and of course, play by its rules. If you don't, you're anti-social, a threat to upcoming economies and corrupt politicians or worse, dead!
And all this, thanks to the human mind. It's a massive space in there, in your mind, in every mind. We have just made most of it "off-limits" thus controlling a very small portion of this vast milieu and in an attempt to control (being the control-freaks that we are!), we have forsaken the avenues that it has to bequeath. This has ony led to restricting what we can do, what we can see and how much there is to feel.
At the end of the day, what matters to me may be irrelevant to you, but please remember to dredge up all the lives you have touched and are around before you set out into oblivion. To enter the alien void, you need to leave your mind behind. You need to reach Stage Zero.

Bliss is Convenience.

2006-08-03T08:27:00.000Z

Life is mostly froth and bubble,
Two things stand like stone;
Kindness in another's trouble,
Courage in our own.

As I fail to recall who wrote these words, what doesn't leave my memory is that it speaks volumes of what is true. However, this true only for those who are true, to themselves and to those around. Courage in our own is taken for granted as is kindness for others. It's so easy to assume that an indivdiual who doesn't complain or is always smiling, has no battles to fight. Plato rightly said, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle." But being kind is misunderstood as a motive to gain something, or foolish, because let's face it, why would anyone care to have time and energy and be kind enough when there's so many things to do, places to be and people to meet? Being content with yourself, your life is looked at with envy in this age. How is it that you are content when I am not? As much as such questions are considered childish, they come from a negative place; a place no child comes from. Today, where ignorance is bliss, bliss is not necessarily ignorance. Bliss is Convenience. Convenience is the new-age mantra, and nothing works if it is not convenient. Whether it is the oh-so-important meeting at office or a chat to lighten up a heavy heart, it won't work if it is not convenient both ways. We have no time, no energy, no understanding, NOthing. Amidst a system that spews only grey, where can any one see light or dark? It's all such a blur, for colour is no more a part of anyone's life. It is restricted only to walls, violence and flags. Walls built in houses, not homes. Violence, preferring only red, blood red. And flags to differentiate where you belong. And all this is done, of course, with convenience being the top criterion.

Mama, I'm coming home...

2006-07-28T10:16:00.000Z

If we are born alone, and are destined to die alone, or so they say, then why do we spend our entire lifetime living for others? Or is it that a need is created, so that we may understand that inspite of all these relationships, we will always be alone? And in order to deal with this ultimate truth, which is most depressing to most of us, we are supposed to make the most of all these relationships we so readily form. It is said that the truest relationship that ever existed is that of a mother and child, and it's only natural. For even animals are seen nurturing their young ones no matter whether they are tame or wild. In fact, hell hath no fury like the scorn of a hurt mother. And nature is also referred to as Mother Nature. So is being a mother really for those who are the strongest? Motherhood has innumerable facets to it, very difficult to fathom if you're not one, too many to name, if you are. And isn’t it the mother that has the highest influence on the new born, and plays a key role in shaping the child's future. Then what about all those women who have adopted children due to lack of their own or single fathers who often try fulfilling the mother's duties. What about mothers who ignore their children, thus forcing them to lead a life of attention seeking disorders? And what about young girls, who become mothers before they become women?

Today, the newspaper read that an eleven-year-old was the youngest ever to be a mother. The child-mother didn't know she was raped and that it had led to her becoming what every woman dreams of, after the fancy dream wedding and in a successful marriage. Only after the girl's mother noticed the bulge, and questioned her, she spoke of an incident that she was shameful and confused of. Never did she imagine that her life would change forever. Now, is this the gift of motherhood? Is it fair to this 11 year old child to rear and nurture a baby or to the baby,who for no fault of his or her, is now a part of this wicked world? For the infant to grow up and realise how he /she was concieved, forcefully and brutally and actually live with it? But you know what? It doesn't matter whether it's fair or not, the fact remains that the deed is done. It's probably been over 10 months since she was raped, and the bearer of this unfortunate news happened to be her own child. The infant spoke volumes even before learning to speak; it made my insides churn. And by writing about this, I'm not sure how I'm helping the situation, I'm quite sure I'm not.

A child represents love in its purest form. It comes from a divine union of two souls. Two souls that are meant to be, that have consciously decided to unite for this beautiful new life to come from them, be nurtured and protected within thier shelter till he/she can grow new wings and soar. Sadly, this child was unwanted right from the beginning, even before its conception. It was not to exist by force of some inhuman scumbag who roams scot-free as I write. It doesn't get more sickening. And the girl is as clueless about motherhood as her friends and younger siblings. She must suddenly throw away her toys and abandon her childhood, for she has a new toy to take care of, a toy that breathes, that lives, that's a part of her. She has a new role already, and she must learn all about it because the game has begun. She must forget about education (if she ever had any), forget about her dreams and everything else, devoting her entire adolescence to her child. It may be hard to lead the life you choose, but she has no choice. Not about being a mother, not about being a girl who is forced to become a woman at a tender age of 11, not about her child's life, for she doesn't know what to do with her own.

It's about one such incident, about one such little girl, about one such injustice.
And this is just the beginning...

WYSIWYG!

2006-07-26T07:34:00.000Z

It can take forever to figure out this so-called life, but maybe one step at a time will help. If one can stop one's mind from travelling towards the unknown, everything can be simpler. The way to the unknown is dark itself, can you imagine how dark the unknown will be? But then again, being the unknown, how is one to know dark from light? And how can one forget the Unknowable, that completes the trinity together with the known and the unknown? Is solitude really a way to conquer the path to the unknown? Is it true that only by detaching yourself from that you love most will bring it right back to you? Are needs and wants really illusions, trapping you further into despair? Will you ever break free from the mind? For it is this mind that seeks answers and not your heart. So does the heart only feel, incapable of thought? Or does it also have a mind of its own that you refuse to believe, because your faith is all you have, and if it trembles, it might just drop your soul into a downward spiral? Are we all walking on a tight rope, striking a balance between mind and body?Then what about the soul? Isn't it free from thought too? So many questions and just a lifetime to find out the answers. Is this lifetime really as short as they say? Why is everyone so lost, so confused? Is nature really going to take a toll on us? Or are our terrorists good enough? Is fear really changing to terror, paralyzing each of us? Is there not an iota of hope or emotion left within us? Are we the walking dead? Who have we become from powerful, creative Human Beings? Is it time for us to meet at the restaurant at the end of the world? How real is time? If not, then where does eternity stand? Is What You See Really What You Get?

Hands - Jewel

2006-07-18T12:12:00.000Z

If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all okay
And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
And useless in times like these
I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most feared

My hands are small, I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken

Poverty stole your golden shoes
But it didn't steal your laughter
And heartache came to visit me
But I knew it wasn't ever after
We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken

In the end only kindness matters
In the end only kindness matters

I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray

My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
We are never broken

We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's mind
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's heart
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's eyes
We are God's hands
We are God's hands

Mumbai reverts to BOMBay!

2006-07-17T08:56:00.000Z

Here's to Mumbai...recently switched back to "BOMBay"...
...these lyrics from Incubus' song 'Pardon Me' are words that I can relate to after the hell the city just went through...

A decade ago, I never thought I would be,
At twenty-three, on the verge of spontaneous combustion. Woe-is-me.
But I guess that it comes with the territory, An ominous landscape of never-ending calamity.
I need you to hear, I need you to see
That I have had all I can take and
Exploding seems like a definite possibility to me.
So pardon me while I burst into flames.
I've had enough of this world and it's people's mindless games.
So pardon me while I burn and rise above the flame.
Pardon me, pardon me... I'll never be the same.
Not two days ago, I was having a look in a book
And I saw a picture of a guy fried up above his knees.
I said, "I can relate," cause lately I've been thinking of combustion
As a welcomed vacation from the burdens of the planet Earth.
Like gravity, hypocrisy, and the perils of being in 3-D... And thinking so much differently.

Why did you throw the Jack of Hearts away?

2006-07-14T07:26:00.000Z

I need a brand new friend who doesn't bother me
I need a brand new friend who doesn't trouble me
I need someone, yeah, who doesn't need me...
Hopefully Jimi Baba found that friend...but today the word "friend" has taken up a whole new meaning, one which I don't believe I have ever heard of it, let alone understand. You are a friend if you can listen and not speak back; you are a friend if you can understand but not be understood; you are a friend if you are there for someone who is never there for you; you are a friend if you can take but never give; you are a friend if you can say exactly what you are expected to say and not what you feel is important to be said; you are a friend if all your time, energy and love is devoted to only one individual (who is not even your partner or soulmate or someone to that effect! you know what I mean?!); you are a friend if you are rich; you are a friend if you are famous; you are a friend for all the wrong reasons, but only with these reasons are you a "FRIEND". And if you don't fit into atleast one of these categories, then my "friend", you have no friend but yourself.

Naming every relationship is as simple as it gets, but all these relationships I have been told, are like sand held in your fist. You have but two choices in which to hold it. Either you hold it loosely so it can stay in your palm, secure and with you forever. Or you can tighten your fist, and watch it slip through your fingers, away from you. Whatever you do, one thing is for sure, "relationships" of any kind are not meant to be KEPT! The moment you begin to KEEP them, tightening that fist, they will slip away. Whatever happened to growing together? We all seem to want one thing the most in our lives. To be loved. And the moment you have atleast one person who does give you the comforting feeling that love is primarily made up of, you tend to cling on to it. This clinging is nothing but your Desire of being loved, fulfilled, which in turn leads to a constant need for the same.

In the name of friendship, we have all sorts of relationships, all very man-made. You give names in the form of words to these various relationships, but at the end of it all, you know that they are all made by you; you have given meaning to them and you have every right to take them away from one person and move them on to another. This is what has led to you believe that these relationships are all there is to life. And you're clinging way too tight for fear of losing them.

The highest connection, not relationship, is that of the Purush (male) and Prakruti (nature, thus female), of Man and the Divine Cosmos, of Shiva and Shakti. This is the ultimate reality that stands before us. This is what we are here for, to understand our purpose and serve it well. And eventually transcend from one life to the other without leaving behind anything undone. In this Kaliyuga, (the Dark Age), reality is made up of the unreal. As strange as it this may sound, you know exctly what I'm talking about.Your real challenge lies in striking a balance between your Spiritual Self and Material Self. And both have been given to you for a very good reason. What you might learn by the end of it is that there is no reason and there is no need for one.

It is no sin to be materialistic as long as you can let go with ease. The moment you know you are getting lured by Maya, unable to control your urges in the material sense, it is a sign for you to move on, get going, searching your centre point, and begin nurturing yourself from within. This Maya can even come in the form of life. Women sinces ages have been considered as a crucial tool of Maya to lure men into their spells and lose out on reality. But this is not true, it can't ever be. For the woman is at par with the man, and only together can they unite with Divine Cosmos. The Sattva, Tamas and Rajas is the trinity in each of us. It is for us to over come the the latter two to reach a state of bliss and purity. Once your healing process begins, with the soul seeking, you will feel the difference and life won't seem like a novel with the end ripped out ;)

Since everything is relative, you might not agree with this, but we all have dark spaces in our minds, waiting for some light to come in, although it takes some a lifetime or even more to realise this. My 6 can be your 9. As long as you choose the path less travelled, you will be just fine.

Coming back to needing a brand new friend, we don't need one and never will...

No excuses...

2006-07-10T06:09:00.000Z

If I'm really such a treasure,

I must be kept under lock and key,

Away from good measure,

Find a way to be.

In places gone by,

I've found myself before,

In place so high,

I haven't meant to keep.

And now that I'm here,

It's been just clarity,

I am finally near,

To this serenity.

Nosferatu - Children of the night

2006-07-07T15:06:00.000Z

Is it just me or can you feel the calm before the storm? This kind of silence is truly unnatural, yet seeks to invite the kind of attention that one really doesn't want.You want to be in oblivion and it is this that keeps bringing you back to reality, this reality. And you'd rather bury your head in the ground for fear of facing this. But it stands before you, in all its glory, calling forth all you have to give - yourself. And since you fear the unknown, this is clearly what is giving you the lump in your throat from trying not to weep. Weep like you were a child with no inhibitions or complexes, just waiting for your comforting mother to hold you in her arms and tell you that this too shall pass and all will be okay. It seems like a shadow, as dark as the night sans moon, overlooking you, while you hide behind a rock on the beach, the wind drying the tears that have now begun rolling down your warm cheeks, your eyes still tightly shut from the fear of seeing what stands before you. And you can almost feel a warm, tingling down your spine as it moves toward you, closer and closer, till you can feel the cold breath. So now you know it's alive, yet something tells you otherwise. It's so cold, almost reminding you of a corpse in a morgue. And you're not sure whether to muster up the courage and face it, or just open your eyes, fix your gaze at your feet and run; run like you've never run before, like the wind has become of you. But you know somewhere that this is obviously stronger , certainly more powerful than you can ever be, and that's what keeps you from even breathing, let alone get up and leave. You know you can't walk out of this, as you hide your head between your knees, covering your ears from any sound. But even the wind seems to know your fear, for now it has begun whistling louder and somehow you can hear a faint cry of a dog, howling somewhere in the distance. So is nature getting back at you for all you have done? You begin reminiscencing all the significant moments in your life, all those you love and love you, all those you hate and hate you (you know you hate atleast one person), and all the things you have wronged, all that you've blessed, and now you're so sure this is what it feels like when one senses death around.You sink deeper into your knees, feeling as small as you could possibly be, and knowing that this is the best or worst you can do. Beads of sweat trickle down your nose onto the ground you are sitting on, hoping that it would open up and swallow you down. Then the warm sunbeam kisses your sweaty forehead, waking you up to a hungover state and you know all it was, was a nightmare...

Water Water Everywhere!

2006-07-04T05:08:00.000Z

It's pouring like it's going out of style! and I'm not sure why I'm at office...it's foggy and gloomy and wet! and I'm soaked to the bone! but it was fun getting here, till Ayesha hurt her hand with a spoke of her umberella...and then there was blood and rain, with the wind blowing stronger than ever...I broke into a hysterical laugh in all the chaos and it has just registered in my head that the situation was not funny at all...So then, why did I laugh out loud?
Maybe I knew somewhere in the back of my head, that nature was unleashing its force, and maybe I wasn't supposed to be taking it too seriously, I wasn't really laughing out of sheer joy and perhaps I did see something quite overwhelming, and my only reaction to it was a laugh!
So strange was this laugh that I actually sat sown to write about it, it was almost evil...till I realised that Ayesha was hurt. Then I joked about how she looked like a person with suicidal tendencies with that white bandage wrapped around her wrist! But I didn't mean to be funny! I am not sure what took over me with all the rain and wind! I feel it awakened a dark, almost demonic side of me that had never really showed up...not in a long time.
But we all have our dark sides (especially left handed people!) and maybe they are brought about when you least expect them. Thankfully, Ayesha shares my views on the Dark side and probably understood where I was coming from to not mind my behaviour! She wasn't in pain I know because she doesn't feel any. Strange as it may sound, there are people in this world who are numb with pain or just never feel it. I really don't know why am writing this, but there's an idea I'm getting at. don't know if I can call it that - an idea or maybe a thought or a feeling perhaps...whatever it may be, if it has left you confused ir a little lost, it really wasn't me!

2006-04-10T10:52:00.000Z

psy fine!

hmm...

2006-04-10T10:46:00.000Z

i'mnotsurewhati'mlookingatbutwhatiseeiknowanditbecomesdifficulttohavetoexplain,ifonlyyoucouldstophearingandstarttolistenthenyouwouldstoplookingandstartseeing

wandering star...

2006-04-05T05:15:00.000Z

Me?
I cry I shout I yell silent screams
I hate I despise I reject I deny
I fall I die I pretend
I see I hear I choose I rise
I live I detest I fear I kill
I bend I break I move I ache
I sing I play I grow I crave
I feel I dance I fool I can’t
I laugh I choke I eat I dope
I want I need I hope I plead
I beg I steal I borrow I heal
I bleed I scar I cut I bar
I fit I shoot I find I loot
I drown I crawl I creep I bawl
I fly I run I hide I shun
I grope I stand I sleep I damn
I do I don’t I will I won’t
I can I know I fight I show
I jump I sigh I swear I lie
I scare I pray I sin I slay
I dream I drive I work I strive
I love I fake I watch I make

I am on my way to nowhere, now-here, belong here, there, everywhere, hate comes easy, as easy as hurt…thus hate, can’t begin to describe or explain how I feel, how I pain, believe them when they say but they lie, they…they are insensitive …they leave, they judge if they stay…
…They steal, they fight, they rule, they hide
They pretend, they care, they befriend, they dare!
They drive insanity higher and higher till I give up give in
I never lose I’ve lost so much
I cared for with love and such
I think I’ll go where I’m with me
Be alone, lonely as can be
Give up this life for a higher one
Believe when I say I have had it all, all, all of all, every bit of all, every single piece…
Peace? No peace...only chaos, only mystery, only darkness, only hurt, only anguish, only betrayal, only denial, only me, only sin, only, alone, lonely and if not, then I’m in it all, only death- the end, the beginning of the end…I’ve come to terms with life, the dark bitch, she laughs a, she mocks at my despair but I will not let her, will have the final word…
…I’m lost…

2006-04-05T05:13:00.000Z

…Worst moments not when I fall but his pain that doesn’t show can only feel drives to insanity sleepless nights paranoia silent screams wake up in delusional darkness ripping apart agony beyond belief cold sweat racing the pulse out of time then another day of storms and illusions and feelings and calm chaos churning insides and facades yet knowing is believing he can do with what is given but insists on giving unconditionally making self truly too good for the world to be true…then loneliness haunts him in a crowd craving, creating, consuming. Never needed, wanted nor she had too busy listening, observing, watching closely every move intensely as love makes it happen not her, she, too tired wants to leave them all behind to prefer selfishness, pretense, only a way to cover up reality and that highest truth she knows but doesn’t show like him…but together they know, it shows in ‘them’ not her or him but them. Too many claims to know them…but nobody can as they put up a great performance just enough to please them- those others, yet somehow content to be is what makes her alive and him happy, she is cold, he’s just fine…they are serene together and they dream of a place just as magical and mystical as they are with one soul, heart and life waiting for them…

randomness!

2006-04-05T05:11:00.000Z

When I dream the night winter dances as the season that ripe summer morning life was me as cold and hard but beneath my skin is wild light between a cloudy winter in every wish I make music to shine above always and blood will ferment with rain then no sound only thick blue snow soft like good love from you full of happy taste which would listen to you say we were feeling it all…never wait too long, soon they leave who ask why her is bad…walk through water or air but come clean…. this must bloom though, some grow only by sleep have wine too off naked earth drive her cycle let him eat live know and want more out of heavy frost speak about how she gives almost an idea so colored could kiss hot sun, green seed, red spring…smell flower….if house window can crack up do plant his favorite vine out use after fall has care lying an eye did see for street be hot than dry…

psychogroupiecocainecrazy

2006-04-05T05:10:00.000Z

The behavior we stick to or adopt is obviously so, keeping in our subconscious mind, the consequences of the same. Thus there exists a reason, known or unknown behind our behavioral pattern. When we realize its consequences completely, only then do we try to change it. This change could be to obtain other consequences that we desire. More like fulfilling our intentions and motives. It is entirely relative as to whether the realization dawns upon one at a particular time. An adult may not necessarily realize it yet a child might. So there isn’t a particular age or criterion as such, as to when a person realizes the ‘reason’. Reason on the other hand is subjective and my 6 could be your 9. Also, reasoning only brings out probabilities, not a confirmed answer. It might also lead you into believing that that which does not exist- nothing! Yet nothing holds just as much importance as everything making it only relative. When we form relationships in a worldly manner, we are not sure as to why, when, where or with whom we do so. It’s just a part of all that is happening. Yet, once we have established the fact that there exists now what we call a relationship, we are driven in everyway to ‘keep it’. But that is exactly NOT what we are to do. ‘Keeping’ relationships is not the idea. It’s growing together to become a part of the ‘other’. No more may it be called the other then. It is you, a part of your growth. It is a process that may be eternal, depending upon the nature of the growth you now share. There is no Right or Wrong, unless you want there to be. To want is another issue, but to go by your instincts is surely helpful. What feels, who feels, feels for all. And this feeling, to me, is far superior to the thoughts that engulf the mind.

Thinking is, in other words, reasoning. Not necessarily though, but it helps reasoning; while feeling is directly related to the action which is the only way to go. You feel? Don’t let it get to your mind, just feel: good, bad, right, wrong- is what the heart doesn’t know. It is what the mind understands. The heart only feels- happy, joyful, sad, ecstatic, free…

…don’t let your heart overpower your head. Don’t try to control anything. Let things be, go with the flow knowing you’re giving it all you have or are at least willing to. Consequences are not ours to worry about. Actions speak. Words are mere efforts to be precise. Yet it’s surprising how certain actions can completely overweigh words. There is no reason to compete. There is no reason.

2006-04-05T05:01:00.000Z

It’s not easy, nothing is. That is no excuse for feeling burdened at all times. There is no excuse, no reason. It’s not easy to be. Merely be. And if you are, it’s an offence. And you will be humiliated, you will be punished, you will be prosecuted. Only because you are. The irony of it all is that we human beings have forgotten how to be human. Sad but true. And there’s only one thing left to do; play the ‘blame game’. Set off a chain reaction. Then sit back and watch as we all fall down. Sounds like a fun game till you fall. Then it’s not fun anymore. Then you take the game to a whole new level. You get jaded, it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, and now all you want to do is take a swing at someone. The world is suddenly wicked, the people are strange and you are alone. Singled out among all the planets, stars, in the entire universe. You are chosen. And as you try to hide behind your shadow, your eyes bulging with tears, can’t help but gaze endlessly at your curling toes, emotions of angst, fear, humiliation, feelings of being exposed in an ugly light, a light you never knew existed. And you dare not try and gaze above the ground beneath you feet! For this light might just consume you, causing such anguish that you might not even understand what hit you. But somewhere in you burns a small but very lively flame. And the flame is suffocating and urging you to look up. Just one glance. It brings with it a knowing of what lies beyond this light, which is now staring at your naked body. The light’s got you! And you know the only way out is to look into the light, reach its source. But what about the fears that have now engulfed your little dark mind, not letting your little flame out? You stand there, feeling small, insignificant, not listening to the flame, giving in to the light. And the light is only getting brighter, yet bringing out all the darkness in you. And you feel like the ground must open up and swallow you now before the flame changes your mind. But the flame doesn’t seem to glow anywhere in your mind. Your mind is just a dark place, for hiding, and crying. It doesn’t allow anyone to enter; not even the flame. So where is this flame glowing? Is it in your soul, your spirit, and your heart? Your confusion is growing like a vine, in and out, like your breathing. It’s slowly taking over all that you believe yourself to be, who you are. But you are being too many things at a time. Some of them you don’t even know of. You’ve never felt so much in a moment, this moment seems eternal, and it seems to know exactly who you are. Is it playing games with you? You know, mind games? We are a playful lot, aren’t we? Always playing some game or the other, in our minds. But the flame is so small; it doesn’t understand all these games. It just knows how to glow and give the little warmth is has to you, unconditionally. This is the first time you have been asked for something by the flame and you can’t even do that. But you need not worry. The flame is not holding a grudge. It understands. It maybe small, but it sure knows you best as your heart is its abode. And it knows you need time, space and all these concepts in your mind that are confusing you. You seem to have prepared yourself for the worst but this was unexpected. Maybe because you expected, all your life. You thought, planned and inferred probabilities, timed your every move, reacted to every situation. But this? Never did you think in your sane intellect that this was coming your way. And now that you are caught off guard, and how, you are feeling almost guilty, almost betrayed, unwanted. And you hate these feelings but you just can’t seem to stop yourself from feeling like this. And while you struggle to fight yourself out of this sticky state, somewhere you know this is brought on because of you and you owe this to yourself. This moment had to manifest itself while you kept yourself hanging by the last thread. Now while your entire life flashes in your mind and as you relive all those moments in your life that made you the man you are, the light shines brighter and the flame glows stronger than ever before.

no touch...

2006-04-05T05:00:00.000Z

I bare skin. I bare spirit. I bare my soul. But not to you. You are me. And you don’t look at me, only see, into me, into my soul. This body is my temple. And I must take care of it, so I’m told. But it’s not easy. Nothing is. I am nothing. Does that make me easy? And if I am, then I make. I create. From my nothingness, a whole new universe of mysteries and magic and beauty and love. Wouldn’t you just love to see all of this? But you do see. Not all of these things, but beyond. Like the horizon, that appears closer than it is. And you see beyond it. You see where that sun really goes when we think it’s setting. Me, I’m a mere mortal, made of glass, transparent to the bone. Living with my fears from dawn to dusk, every moment, in this fragile body, yes, the temple of my soul. My temple. And you worship me, my soul, my temple. It must seem really beautiful to you. It must make you ecstatic to merely touch it. To me, it’s almost not there. Lost in my nothingness. But you are always there to remind me, every time I try to walk away from my temple, that you are my true devotee. You’d wait at my gates forever just to have one more glance at the beauty I hold, the love I bring into your heart, your temple. Yes, you have a temple too. And it leaves me breathless. It’s divine. Purity in its highest form.

2006-04-05T04:56:00.000Z

When the night turns to day, there’s very little left behind to go through the day. With all you have, every little piece, you seem to be content. Only seem to be. But you know best what you have. So what do you have? And is that what is really giving you the joy you proclaim of having? Excuse the invasion. But I need to know. Okay. Maybe I don’t NEED to know. Maybe I already know. Does that leave you baffled? Am I not to know? The little darkness in that corner of your restricted mind, where only dark shadows dance and come back to haunt you the moment you’re left alone. And you light that cigarette only to confuse yourself with the smoke rings and those shadows. But they only laugh louder. They only mock your foolishness and your insecurities. You say you are fine, you have been blessed with this life you live and all its glory. I say that’s what you think. Do you really feel that way? And please don’t lie, not to yourself. I know not about virtues and vices, but I do know that lying to yourself won’t help you. Not that you need help. But you’ve got to know for yourself. I can’t do this for you. I’d love to, but I can’t. And I’m not sorry. Are you?

roundabout!

2006-04-05T04:54:00.000Z

To be complete is one thing. To be able to share the completeness with another is a different story altogether. Wiping the tears of the weepy-eyed demons is what you and I are made to do. And it is exhausting. But isn’t it something given to us? It’s always easier to take than give. But when we take something, we don’t own it. It is given to us for a purpose. What we do with it is our own choice. And we are given such a variety of choices and options. To choose between them is a task only a few can do appropriately, by making sound decisions. And these tasks are to betaken up every moment, no matter what. Whether you like it or don’t. You have been selected amongst the innumerable entities to do this. And you must!